~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And there we have it: conclusive proof that I am absolutely worthless after nine o’clock. – Sheldon Cooper
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Sheldon, reading on wall] “See you in hell Sheldon.”
The most frightening thing about that is the missing comma. – Sheldon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You should have seen your face. – Rajesh Koothrappali
Yes, there’s nothing quite like the slightly widened eyes of mildly startled. – Sheldon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who had money on faints? – Howard Wolowitz
Um, I had peed his pants. – Raj
Hang on…looks like everyone’s a winner. – Leonard Hofstadter
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leonard: Oh. Watch out, Sheldon. This little boy Casper is a g-g-g-ghost! – Leonard
Droll. – Sheldon
Not as droll as a grown man passed out in a puddle of his own urine. – Howard
That was pretty droll. With a hint of ammonia. – Leonard
Droll. – Sheldon
Not as droll as a grown man passed out in a puddle of his own urine. – Howard
That was pretty droll. With a hint of ammonia. – Leonard
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes, enjoy your japes gentlemen. Think you’ve poked fun at a milk-toast academic, well you’ve forgotten one thing – I am also a son of the Lone Star State, Texas, through and through. And we know how to settle scores down there. If you doubt me, ask Mexico. – Sheldon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did we just see you pick up a girl in a comic book store? – Howard
‘Cause if you did, you get your picture up there on the wall on the Wall of Heroes. – Stuart
‘Cause if you did, you get your picture up there on the wall on the Wall of Heroes. – Stuart
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It’s a rough month when Halloween and PMS hit at the same time. -Penny
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leonard doesn’t have time to chat, he has to get the mail. – Sheldon
Would you relax? I’ll get it in a minute. Hey, how was work [to Penny] – Leonard
Open the mail! – Sheldon
Excuse me [to Penny] – Leonard
[Sheldon waits for his prank to pop out of the mail slot.]
Couple of circulars, nothing important. – Leonard
[Sheldon goes to check the mail slot for what went wrong.]
What’s with him? – Penny
Hang on. – Leonard [spying from around the corner]
[Sheldon opens the mail slot. Leonard presses a small remote in his hand. A huge balloon with a picture of Leonard's face pops out of the mail slot while an air horn goes off.]
AHHHHHHHH! – Sheldon [he falls to the floor]
You might be from Texas, but I’m from New Jersey! – Leonard
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, bother, isn’t that just always the way? You go to staple something and you’re out of staples. Gosh, wish I had known that earlier today when I was at Staples. – Sheldon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stop talking like that. You’ve been rendered speechless with fear. – Sheldon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I tried to scare an Indian with a snake. Come on, Cooper, you’re better than this. – Sheldon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So what’s up? – Penny
Okay, we used to go out, right? – Leonard
Oh my God, that’s where I know you from. – Penny
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leonard, you’re looking for a way to sleep with both women and have everybody be happy about it. – Penny
Now, we’re getting somewhere. – Leonard
What does your gut tell you? – Penny
Go ask Penny, she’ll know what to do. – Leonard
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey, what are you doing? – Leonard
Science. You wouldn’t understand. – Sheldon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I thought you were leaving the apartment. – Sheldon
Yeah, me too. I can’t make up my mind. – Leonard
Are you concerned because the world is filled with big dogs and bullies? – Sheldon
No, I’m having a moral crisis. – Leonard
Well, if it’s of any help, I’ve read all the great moral philosophers, including Dr. Seuss. – Sheldon
Oh, what the hell. I’m supposed to go see that girl from the comic book store, Alice, but I don’t know if I should ’cause I’m going out with Priya, but she’s in India. – Leonard
Alright, so the topic at hand is sexual fidelity. Probably won’t be relying on Seuss here. Although ‘One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish’ might be surprisingly applicable. Go on. – Sheldon
Well, they say at the end of your life, you regret the stuff that you didn’t do more than the stuff that you did and I’m pretty sure Alice is the stuff I wanna do. – Leonard
You know, the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche believed that morality is just a fiction used by the herd of inferior human beings to hold back the few superior men. – Sheldon
That actually does help. – Leonard
It’s worth noting that he died of Syphilis. – Sheldon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[after a disappointing conversation with Priya online about how he made out with another girl and she slept with her ex.]
I don’t believe this. – Leonard [to himself while leaning back on the couch]
[All of the sudden, Sheldon, wearing zombie makeup, pops out from under the couch cushions screaming and scaring the crap out of Leonard.]
Bazinga, punk. Now we’re even. – Sheldon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*A special thank you to TVGeekArmy and TV Fanatic for helping me with a few of my quotes.*
Related articles
- The Big Bang Theory: The Rhinitis Revelation [Spoiler Alert] (thatswhatkimsaid.com)
- The Russian Rocket Reaction (thatswhatkimsaid.com)
- Sheldon Claims to Be Too Smart to Scare on ‘The Big Bang Theory’ (VIDEO) (aoltv.com)
- The Big Bang Theory: Season 5 Ep. 3: The Pulled Groin Extrapolation (thepremieres.wordpress.com)
- The Big Bang Theory – The Infestation Hypothesis (super-cool-story-bro.com)
