Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. – Tim Allen
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Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything. – Tim Allen
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Men are like flowers. If you don’t know how to handle a rose, you get stuck by a couple of pricks. – Margot Black
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Men are like pay phones. Some of them take your money. Most of them don’t work, and when you find one that does, someone else is on it. – Catherine Franco
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Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts, and batteries for the remote control. – Diana Jordan
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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture. – Rita Rudner
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A man is only as faithful as his options. – Chris Rock
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Men are delusional. Hugh Hefner lounges around in a bathrobe with three live-in girlfriends. You know guys are sitting at home watching the Playboy channel and thinking, “That could be me. I’ve got a bathrobe.” – Denise Munro Robb
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When men get together there’s a lot of ego at stake. Ever see two guys meet each other for the first time? Within five minutes, there’s a top-it contest of life achievements. The first guy will say something innocuous like, “When I was a kid, I went to the last game when the Mets won the World Series.” The other guy goes, “I went to Woodstock. Sat on a speaker.” “I’m on a first-name basis with the Unknown Soldier.” “I was the busboy at the Last Supper.” “I remember you. How did you like the tip?” – Joe Bolster
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Men don’t settle down. Men surrender. – Chris Rock
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally. – Rita Rudner
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*A special thanks to “The Comedy Thesaurus” by Judy Brown for providing me with these great quotes.*
