Archive | 10:56 pm

The Russian Rocket Reaction

13 Oct

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Raj: You’re not only the first astronaut, you’re also the first one of us to kick a girl out of his bed.

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Bernadette: He can’t go to space. He’s like a baby bird. Did you know he once got an asthma attack reading an old library book?

Amy: You’re kidding.

Penny: No, I was there that day. Sheldon threw his back out handing him that book.

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Bernadette: Oh God, you’re right. I took our love and threw it under his bus sized mother.

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Mrs. Wolowitz: Make up all you want. Your tucas is not leaving this planet.

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Sheldon: And you’re going to have to choke back a hot sob of regret and humiliation as you mumble “I was, but I chose to go to a party thrown by the one kid from ‘Stand by Me’ that no one remembers.”

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Leonard: I’m going to a party. I’m not turning R2-D2 and C3PO over to the Empire!
Sheldon: Not yet.
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Penny: Will Wheaton is Sheldon’s mortal enemy.
Amy: Mortal enemy?
Penny: Mm-hmm.
Amy: Sheldon, I know you are a bit of a left-handed monkey wrench but… you really have a mortal enemy?
Sheldon: In fact, I have 61 of them.
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Bernadette: Are those Russian rockets safe?
Howard: Well, I mean, safe as it can be when it was build by the good folks who brought you Chernobyl.

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Sheldon: Until you either do not go or go to Wil Wheaton’s party you are simultaneously my friend and not my friend. I’m characterizing this phenomenon as Schrodinger’s Friendship.

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Leonard: What are you doing here.

Sheldon: Fighting for our friendship…as peculiar and annoying as that can be you’re still my little buddy.

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*A special thank you to the TV Fanatic for helping me procure a few of my quotes.

And Now to Grau

13 Oct

Not much explanation necessary…The Crafty Mind of Kenny Grau brought you this video.

Be sure to check out his YouTube channel if you like his work…which, let’s be real…you will.

Clearly, this guy knows how to entertain! I don’t know about you guys, but a man that can pull off a wig like that is good in my book!

Halloween Mayhem

13 Oct

It’s getting to be that time of year again…the time for the creepy crawlies to come out to play. That’s right, HALLOWEEN! It’s just around the corner! Do you have your pumpkin at hand? Time to think about carving designs. Here are some wicked ideas (in no specific order) from some sinfully skilled carvers!

1) A true JACK O’ Lantern

Jack Nicholson Jack O Lantern

2) A Pokemumpkin

Charizard!? WOW It's a Pokemumpkin!

3) This one blows my mind… The Death Star!

This is an AMAZING Death Star!

4) This one is dedicated to my good friend Jared…

Pumpkin Pi LMAO

5) Classic Yoda Lantern

The Yoda Lantern

6) This was just too cute to omit…

I'm calling it the PUPkin...how adorable is that face?

I found a ton of other great carvings that I didn’t show you so that you wouldn’t get overwhelmed by pumpkins. Hope these gave you some good ideas! I’m expecting to see some crazy pumpkins this year! Happy Pre-Halloween!

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Did You Know…?

13 Oct

Celebrities born on October 13th:

- 1993 Tiffany Trump aka The Donald’s daughter

Brian Dawkins

- 1973 Brian Dawkins, the safety for the Denver Broncos

- 1965 Rob Schneider, actor

- 1962 Jerry Rice, former wide receiver for the San Francisco 49ers

Craig McGregor

- 1949 Craig McGregor, rockstar from Foghat

- 1947 Sammy Hagar, rockstar from Van Halen

- 1925 Margaret Thatcher, former British Prime Minister aka The Iron Lady

(These are just a few of my favorites out of a TON of celebs born today. For the full list, click HERE.)

Events in History:

Yankees vs Orioles

- 1996 Yankees (3) and Orioles (3) combine to tie playoff record of 6 home runs

-1993 Mighty Ducks win their first NHL game

-1993 Phillies beat Atlanta in NLCS

-1987 1st military use of trained dolphins by the U.S. Navy

-1978 President Carter answers caller questions on National Public Radio

Pirates

-1960 Pirate’s Mazeroski’s bottom of 9th lead off home run beats New York Yankees 10-9 in game 7 of 57th World Series

-1943 Italy declares war on former Axis partner Germany

-1936 Explosion caused by leaking gas rips out section 12 of Cleveland Stadium

-1923 Angora (Ankara) becomes Turkey’s capital

-1921 New York Giants beat New York Yankees, 5 games to 3 in 18th World Series

Garrett Morgan

-1914 Garrett Morgan invents and patents gas mask

-1884 Greenwich established as universal time meridian of longitude

-1792 1st Old Farmer’s Almanac is published

-1792 Washington lays corner stone of Executive Mansion (White House)

*A Special Thanks to Brainy History for keeping me well informed!*

Danger Will Robinson

13 Oct

Oh Fail Blog, how you tickle me with your delightful sense of humor.

Can someone tell me where this picture was taken so I’m sure NEVER to go there? Thanks!

The Answer: Question 21

13 Oct

Today’s Question: Do you prefer being around men or women? Do your closest friends tend to be men or women?

This is the easiest question ever. I MUCH prefer being around men. My closest friends tend to be men as well. Don’t get me wrong. I have quite a few close friends who are girls. My closest gal pals are a med student and a pair of twins. HOWEVER, back in the day, when I was in high school and most of my friends were girls, I noticed that there was just so much drama in my life. It was like a rogue roller coaster that you couldn’t get off of. There was gossip, crying, backstabbing, lying… it got worse my first two years of college.

College brought with it drunken ranting, emotional breakdowns, LOTS OF BOYFRIEND SWAPPING & CHEATING, the silent treatment, power struggles, roommate spats and chaos. Let me tell you, it is one thing to go to school with crazy girls. It’s a whole other thing to live in the tiny confines of a dorm room or apartment with them.

Let me explain something to you. When female roomies are fighting, it could go one of a few ways:

1) They could give each other the silent treatment until one of them caves in; in which case they are either bashing each other to their friends and giving the death stare to each other anytime they meet or they are brooding on the inside – building up their anger like a volcano that will either erupt when someone gives in or will erupt when they’re riding the cotton pony. Extreme warning for this situation, if both roommates are holding their building anger inside and no one gives in quick enough, the proverbial excrement will hit the fan when their cycles match up and they will both explode at once.

2) Facebook fighting is a very popular coping technique for women. They act like they’re being very general or sneaky about it too. One girl will change her status to: People should really learn to stop skanking around. What she really means is, my roommate is bringing home a different guy every night and it’s pissing me off: Everyone hit like or tell me you agree with me so I feel justified or at least know that I’m the victim here.

3) They could end up playing dueling ovaries at high noon. This estrogen smack down will not be pretty. No, we are not as physical as guys in this type of situation. Usually we use sharp words and psychological warfare for greatest impact. Guys will just hit each other or let their problems go. Girls, fighting or not, size up their friends, frienemies, and competition from the moment they meet. They absorb any and all information that they could use at a further date if necessary. They learn your insecurities, remember all your secrets, pet peeves, foibles, and embarrassing moments. When high noon hits, these crazy chicks know exactly what buttons to push to make you feel terrible.

Many of you are probably thinking, sheesh, this girl is jaded (jaded? really? who says that anymore?) by her experiences with women. Not all women are like that. Those people would be half right. I am somewhat biased based on my experience, but I am a pretty observant person. My opinions come from my own experience and that of people I have observed (in person, not on TV – let’s get real – Jersey Shore does not truly represent how people live in the armpit of America [I apologize to those who live in Jersey aka the twins]). But I digress…

Let me get back to the original question here. Men, if you know the right men, can be the best people to hang out with. I learned my lesson in college. Men are the ones you want to spend most of your time with. Be sure to have some time with your gal pals, but make sure you leave behind a trail of breadcrumbs. That is not a rabbit hole you want to go down.

Back to the point, my guy friends have become my family and my greatest support system. I LOVE them all so much. Here’s why guys are the better sex to hang around with:

1) When I explain a problem I have to my guy friends, they don’t commiserate and just listen to my problem, they give me all kinds of advice and help me fix it. [Women love to complain about their problems until they're blue in the face without taking action; that just sucks because they keep feeling crummy for much longer than necessary.]

2) When something is too heavy for me to lift or too hard for me to open, I just ask they guys to help. When I need advice about guys, the BEST place to get it is from men themselves. [Women just give you advice from what their past experiences, their parents' experiences, or what Cosmo said that month.]

3) When I do something nice for my guy friends and they acknowledge it, I always feel like a million bucks. Women just expect you to go out of your way to do things for them a lot. Guys don’t really expect anything, which also makes it easier to be yourself.

4) Going out on the town with the guys is so much fun for me. I worry a lot less about my safety walking to and from a bar or club and I don’t worry as much about the new guys I chat it up with while I’m there. I know, without a doubt, that my guy friends have my back and keep an eye out for me. These guys are like the brothers I never had, but without the overbearing part.

5) Speaking of being yourself… It is so easy to relax and be yourself around your guy friends. Guys are not as judgmental as women. There is no need to impress them with how worldly you are or how expensive your purse was. None of that matters to them [ if you know the right guys] because they accept you for who you are.

6) The BEST part about having mostly guy friends is how LITTLE drama they are. If men have a problem with each other they either come out and say what’s bothering them in a nice or slightly joking way so that the other person can fix it, just let it go if it’s nothing big, or have it out with each other until someone gives in. There is no mental warfare. No stewing period. They see a problem they fix it. There aren’t grudges here. It is so refreshing to not be surrounded by drama.

All in all, I’d have to say that this round of the battle of the sexes goes to the MEN!

The Comedy Corner: Childhood

13 Oct

Before my mother would give you that dime allowance, she’d want you to do a little chore around the house. Like build a porch. – Ray Romano

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We used to terrorize our babysitters when I was little, except for my grandfather because he used to read to us from his will. – Janine DiTullio

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I grew up hearing such stupid things. My mother would say, “That’s the last time I’m going to tell you to take out the garbage.” Well, thank God. – George Wallace

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When I was a girl I only had two friends, and they were imaginary. And they would only play with each other. – Rita Rudner

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I was so nerdy as a kid, the only thing that would have made beating me more attractive is if I’d been filled with candy. – Larry Getlen

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I’m nostalgic. I miss childhood. I miss first grade. I miss thinking girls are gross. Do you know how much money I could save if I still thought girls were gross? – Patrick Keane

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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the seesaw. I had to keep running from one end to the other. – Rodney Dangerfield

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I miss being a kid. I got food, clothing, and shelter for free. Grownups only get that in jail. – Leighann Lord

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I’m an only child, and it wasn’t always easy. There were a lot of games that were hard to play. Like catch. God, that was tiring. – Dominic Dierkes

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When I was a kid we had a quicksand box. I was an only child, eventually. – Steven Wright

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Woody Allen at the 2009 Tribeca Film Festival ...

Image via Wikipedia

When I was a little boy, I wanted a dog desperately, and we had no money. My parents got me an ant. I called it “Spot.” Coming home late one night, Sheldon Finklestein tried to bully me. Spot was with me; I said “Kill!” and Sheldon stepped on my dog. – Woody Allen

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We were poor. If I wasn’t a boy, I wouldn’t have had nothing to play with. – Redd Foxx

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I was a poor kid. My mom saved money by shopping at the Army-Navy Surplus store, but I felt stupid going to kindergarten dressed as a Chinese General. – Blamo Risher

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The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic. – Bill Cosby

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One day when I was little, and my parent were having a party, I went around to all the adults and said, “Drink this, it’ll make you taller, it’s magic.” And they all drank it and said, “How cute. How weird.” And then I snuck off into the room where they kept all the coats and hemmed everyone’s sleeves an inch. – Steven Wright

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How can any child resist the tooth fairy? That single shining example of selfless generosity in this slimy veil of greed. When I was broke, I pulled out my brother’s teeth. Naturally, it was too good to last. Just one more nonrenewable resource on a diminishing planet. – A. Whitney Brown

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Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I asked him, “Do you think we’ll ever fin them?” He said, “I don’t know, kid. There are so many places they can hide.” – Rodney Dangerfield

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*A special thanks to “The Comedy Thesaurus” by Judy Brown for providing me with these great quotes.*

Song of the Day

13 Oct

Since I woke up at 4:30 AM due to a massive thunderstorm shaking my house, I feel a lot crabby and a little rock-n-roll.

Check out this band Rooster and their rockin’ song called Come Get Some!

Like that?! Check this out. Reece Mastin auditions for The X Factor Australia 2011 singing Rooster’s Come Get Some. Personally, I like Reece’s version better. Kid has major chops. He could go all the way. Right on, Reece!

By the way, your eyes are NOT deceiving you, Scary Spice is a judge on that show…with a bun in the oven. I think she may have given birth between a few of the episodes (I sort of followed the show for a bit online) but I’m not quite sure. Anyway, Jam On today Boys and Girls!

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